Reflections of a restless soul

A look into my twitter timeline in the early hours of 18th August 2010 :-

3.58am RT @KarimRaslan: nazir razak has expressed many similar views. There is deep unease in local kl business circles abt msian econ future.

4.01am Msians, young and old, hv never felt more uncertain abt the direction this country is heading, politically, economically & socially.

4.08am This unease has created insecurities which then manifest into shameless public displays of bigotry, chauvinism, offensive/defensive tirades

4.14am Family dynamics too r indirectly impacted by the fragmented situation Malaysia is in right now, not least due 2 education being politicized.

4.19am There is no freedom of speech & expression, it is getting harder to make ends meet, streets/neighbourhoods r not so safe anymore in Malaysia

4.21am This land of milk and honey that attracted so many illegal immigrants to our shores are being milked dry by those who wield too much power.

4.29am Have we all meekly surrendered ownership of this country to d extent that we allow the few misguided loudmouths to dictate how we shud live?

4.31am Have we subconsciously allowed ourselves to be chased out of this country in search of a better quality of life for our loved ones?

4.37am Don't they see that it pains us to love so much and yet felt so unloved, dismissed and made to feel our numbers r so small it don't matter?

4.46am The ISA continues to exist, the abuse of public institutions and intolerance to peaceful displays of public opinion all point to degradation

4.59am Perkasa? Ridhuan Tee? Bullets in the mail? Racist schoolheads? Trivialising underaged moms & baby dumping? Sodomy & suicide note? Sad/crazy?

5.02am One must be so blind not to see the rot .. so selfish & unpatriotic not to stop the rot when u have the power and means to do so ..#Malaysia

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One of the things I have been battling for a while is my inability to get a good night's sleep. I might go to bed at a reasonable hour before midnight but inevitably I'd wake up around 4am and remain restless and unable to turn off the sounds of the ticking clock or the occasional car that whizzes by. As I toss and turn, the first rays of sunlight start to filter in through the windows and I gave up, gearing for another exhausting day ahead.

It's been some months now. I'm still trying to figure out what's going on. And find a way to bring the normal back.

The hardest job in the world

Reading this post "I shall have Patience" by blogger mumsgather made me reminisce about myself.

She is a mother of two very young kids and I can relate to what is going on in her life right now.

Being a mother is a tough job. It is mostly under appreciated and if you have a less than appreciative husband, life is just one roller coaster of some highs and lots of extreme lows.

Being a mother can also drastically change your personality. It may not happen overnight, but it can insidiously creep up on you, silently .. slowly .. until one fine day, some years down the road when you unexpectedly caught yourself in the mirror and did a double take.

You look the same, more or less, but somehow different.

You try to pinpoint what it is that unsettles you. Mostly, at that moment, your focus will be on the things that you missed out in life and the things that you wish didn't find their way into your life - like those annoying habits you picked up over the years of trying to cope with the stress of being a perfectionist.

The more kids you have, the longer it takes for you to get through the endless cycle of trying to keep it all together, not just holding up but also to make a great success out of it so that all the sweat, tears, drama and fatigue make sense to you. You don't want just a clap on the back at the end of the day, you demand that there are hoots and cheers of congratulations, a shout out of a job well done!

:D

Like her, I am still in the thick of things. However, I realise that a lot of times, there is no simple answer to our frustrations but it helps a lot to know how to be kinder and gentler to ourselves.

It is not about lowering expectations.

It is about accepting that some things are beyond us and perhaps if we just let it be, let go of it and watch from a distance, it might sort itself out eventually.

Some things just can't be hurried. I've learned this lesson over and over again for years. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it pains me.

And the funniest part is that I keep repeating the lessons every now and then. So what does that say about human nature? Why expect kids to be any different when we adults are so resistant to change as well?

That sobering thought is enough to make me slow down considerably. To find my rose-tinted glasses again and put them on so that I can re-trace some of the steps from the path that I have wandered off from.

I want to grow younger as I grow older. Because that is where all the fun stuff lies. Does it make sense to you?

Jumpstarting a cold engine

A pergola of wisterias in full bloom in Hokkaido, June 2010

It's harder than I thought it would be.

There are so many things I can write about to jumpstart this blog again, like talking about some of the interesting things I did during my recent brief break to Taipei and Sapporo.

While I was there, I took some pictures but unlike in the old days, I spent much less time snapping away from my camera and more on savouring the little inane details like how a particular shade of colour in the petals of an unfamiliar flower caught my eye and made me linger.

And also how surprised I was to stand under a pergola of blooming purple wisterias intertwined with an unidentified similar-looking white blossoms, caught in the heady scent wafting down from it, much like the scent of jasmine.

I just stood there rooted, enveloped in a sense of unexplained peace and joy, amid the perfume which totally blew me away.

I remembered thinking if only I could have that fragrance in a bottle and that peaceful feeling in a bag, to be taken out every now and then whenever I needed it. :)

Such was the way I went about experiencing this trip in a way I never did before.

I took the time to sit and stare, to touch and feel, to linger and slow down my pace. I no longer feel the urge to pack in so much just to keep up with the others. It did raise some eyebrows among those who knew me and went with me on previous trips to other places. But I didn't feel the need to explain. I really couldn't be bothered anymore.

This is how I feel about most things these days. Not trying too hard to be what others expect me to be all the time just to please them.

Oh .. I find Taipei unexciting. Yes, there are lots to eat and lots to do/buy etc but there is also a certain emptiness about the city that doesn't appeal to me at all. Perhaps I compare it to Hokkaido too much.

I shall want to talk about my onsen experience in the next post. It changed the way I perceive myself. :D

A mom's pleasure

Guess what these are?

The bottom layer

The top layer

The carrier

It's my kids' lunch boxes!

My kids love it and it makes them look forward to days when they had to stay back in school for extra classes or co-curricular activities. Plus, it's also something I thoroughly enjoy doing.

The bottom layer is where I pack dessert, yoghurt and extra drink for hot days. The top layer makes up their main meal. It could be a home cooked meal, noodles or in this case, sushi!

Most of the time, they get to name their choice a day earlier although there's no guarantee that it's what they'll get. Well, ... actually, I want to keep an element of surprise for them which makes their day all the more interesting! On special days, they even get a note or card from mom. :-)

These lunch boxes are the envy of my kids' classmates because none of their friends ever have anything like it. Most of them had to make do with canteen food. Which is why I try to pack extra chocolates and tell them to share some of the dessert if they can't finish it themselves. My son tells me that it is hard for him to refuse the girls who often surround him asking for a piece of this and a piece of that - especially on sushi days! But I suspect he dishes them out generously because he really enjoyed being surrounded by the girls. ;-)

I know my efforts make my kids feel special because they proudly told me so. They feel like a million dollars whenever mom makes her appearance at the classroom door with their lunch boxes.

So, what makes this mom happy? Nothing much really, as long as the kids are happy, healthy and safe.

I know this Sunday I'll get hand-drawn cards from them. And they'll wish me Happy Mothers' Day. But frankly, for this mom, I'm grateful to be given a chance to be a mom. The pleasure's all mine, all mine ...

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I might not be able to update my blog regularly for a while due to busyness. But I'll try to ...

Fridays are for dinosaur baths

I criticise MCA and one anonymous commenter accused me of being a running dog for PAS and Anuar.

Duh ... who is Anuar ar? :-D

No, never mind. I won't react like one guy called Ali Ketam, who wrote about pigs and then got pelted with over 300 comments. All I can say is, ha ha ha !!!

Ah ... today is FRIDAY and I like FRIDAYs. Because FRIDAY is the day my kids get to throw their schoolbags aside and watch their favourite DVDs until their eyes pop out. FRIDAY is also the day their mom don't nag them to do their homework. The nagging is only reserved for Sunday night, after dinner to be precise. ;-)

I like SATURDAYs too. SATURDAYs are normally MOVIE days. For the last three weeks, we have watched The Water Horse, The Spiderwick Chronicles and Nim's Island. Tomorrow will be a toss between Forbidden Kingdom and Escape from Huang Shi. It's really up to the kids (the small kids and the BIG kid, you know?) I'm mostly there for the hotdog and popcorns. :-P

SUNDAYS are for lazying around. For lying in beds listening to your favourite music or reading a good book. For wishing that God reserves all his rainy days on Sundays. For sharing hugs and tall tales.

How's that for getting in the right mood for a great weekend?

If you need more oomph to jump start yours, maybe you can take up J's suggestion. J is a wise little girl of almost 11 years old. She is her little brother's hero (for now, she doesn't like being called a heroine any more than being made to wear frilly dresses.)

She is the one who came up with the idea of taking dinosaur baths.


I don't know what other charms she put in the tub because she seems to take an awfully long time to complete her ritual.

And I also don't know exactly when she started putting dinosaurs in her bath water.



After taking her bath, she takes them out and hid them behind the bath tub. Cute or not?

Have a good weekend!

Cutting emotions

I stare at the scissors in my hand, awash with nostalgia and sadness.

The same pair of scissors that I had used to cut my dad's hair for the last ten years of his life. A once a month affair that I had looked forward to then because it was always a pleasure to cut my dad's hair.

When dad had to be put on dialysis after his kidneys failed, he fell into depression for a period of time and he didn't feel up to venturing out of the house for quite a long while. That's how I ended up being his resident barber and stayed that way until the end of his life.

I had, during my teenage years, picked up an interest in hair cutting by observing how it was done every time I had my hair cut professionally. And later, I picked up more tips by spending my school holidays at a cousin's hair-dressing salon. I don't know why I'm fascinated by it - perhaps I fancied myself having a hidden artistic streak.

No one actually taught me how to do it. Somehow, I had so much self-confidence in my ability to grasp the fine art just by my observations that my dad gamely allowed me to snip his hair after I bought my first and only "professional" pair of scissors. Well, it was a pretty easy task with my dad's almost balding pate but still he didn't want to risk it, instead he held a mirror in front of him and guided me to prevent from snipping off too much to his liking. The end result was a satisfying and bonding experience for both of us.

During the years when I started working in KL, I rarely had the opportunity to cut my dad's hair because I only got to see him on some weekends when I could go back home. And when I got married and had babies of my own, my life became busier and I used those scissors to trim my kids’ hair during their early years.

So, staring at the scissors in my hand, I'm awash with all those memories of more than 10 years ago. I could almost smell my dad's presence beside me.

But the person sitting in front of me now is not my dad. Instead, it's my mom.

My mom is not the easiest person to live with and coupled with my personality, it's an understatement to say we couldn't understand each other. And dad made things all the more complicated because he had the softest spot for me right from the moment I was born.

Since the beginning of this year, mom's dementia had gotten worse to the point that her regular visits to the hairdresser has proven too stressful for us. Which is why I decided I might as well manage her grooming needs as best as I can.

And the irony is that she is far happier to have me cut her hair these days. In fact, she has strangely developed a childish need to cling to me whenever I see her. And when I'm not around her, she'd bombard me with countless telephone calls just to hear my voice. Sometimes I get the feeling that with my dad no longer around, she started to view me from a different perspective.

Dementia had, thankfully, not affected mom's overall health but it had robbed her of logic and comprehension. And unfortunately for all of us, it amplified the very worst in her too. I'm still finding it rather hard to deal with her sudden affections and neediness for attention 24/7 despite knowing that it is part of the symptoms of this disease that's slowly but surely robbing her of the ability to find peace and contentment in her life now.

And so, with scissors in hand, I started to tidy up her hair while she fidgetted constantly in her seat. She carried on a one-way conversation of the usual stuff that upsets her at home. That’s how our conversations go these days, she’ll rattle on and on not hearing a word of what I say in reply.

There's a sense of deep sadness in my heart as I watched her snipped hair drift down to her shoulders and onto the ground.

I felt as if I had come full circle.

Lovely Tuesday

(Hands behind his back) "I have a present for you."
"Ooohh ... let's have a look. Wah, very nice."
"This is pretty mama."
"Are you sure that's mama? Mama's hair not like that lah!"
"I tied your hair mah!" (Giggles hysterically)
"What's that mama's wearing? A birthday cake?"
(Hoots with laughter) "This is a party dress."
"Looks delicious. Like icing on a cake. It's very colourful."
"See the yellow shoes? Nice or not?"
"Very nice, darling. What's that on top of my head?"
"It's an angel thing."
"With wings?"
"Yes. You're my angel mama. I love you mummy."
"I know darling. And I love the big purple heart. Come here sweetie."
*Hugs* *Hugs*
"I love you too. And thank you for your pretty picture. You made me feel pretty and happy."
"I love you." (Eyes shining brightly, he skipped off with a happy grin on his face.)

Outside the window, the rain continue to drizzle.
But a song and dance filled my heart,
for simple happiness such as this
that lifts my soul
beyond this sincere innocent gesture
offered by a loving boy.

What a beautiful world!

Queenly fruity delights

J is all smiles when her "kung-kung" appeared with a bagful of mangosteens which are in season now.


The old man started to reminisce about how it used to be so cheap when kampung folks would sell them by the basket at RM10 by the roadside. There can be upto 500 fruits in that one big rattan basket alone!

And a few years ago, he could still buy them at RM12 for 100 of them in a plastic bag.

Today, he paid RM2.50 for a bunch of 10 fruits and managed to get a Ringgit off for buying 4 bunches! Whoever says local fruits are cheap? Not when you consider that someone might be paid 10 mangosteens for an hour's work of tapping rubber in a mosquito-infested plantation!

Judging from how expensive these fruits are getting, the mangosteens can literally live up to their "queenly" tag!

Anyway, I noticed 2 weeks ago that the local night markets were flooded with mangosteens from Thailand. It seems like a pity to me that these days, when you buy local fruits, it is most likely not "local" at all.

Which is why I always make a point to ask the fruit vendor where the fruits come from. I think it is important that we support our local growers so that our agriculture industry can survive and thrive.

It would be very sad if nobody wants to plant local fruits commercially because it just isn't profitable enough to compete against the cheaper imports, wouldn't it?

So, J and her little brother had a happy afternoon today, eating mangosteens grown by local folks in Jelebu.



And I made the same mistake I did last year - I was too slow to remind them not to wipe their purple-stained hands onto their shirts. Oh well! :-)

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From the Wikipedia:-

Before ripening, the mangosteen shell is fibrous and firm, but becomes soft and easy to pry open when the fruit ripens. To open a mangosteen, the shell is usually broken apart by scoring it with a knife; one holds the fruit in both hands, prying gently with the thumbs until the rind cracks. It is then easy to pull the halves apart along the crack and remove the fruit, taking care with the purple, inky exocarp juice containing pigments that are an avid dye on skin and fabric.

From me:-

The locals don't use a knife to open the fruit. What we normally do is to hold onto the stem of the fruit and pull the top off. Using both thumbs and fingers to hold the fruit upright, we "pinch" it until the rind cracks and then pull the halves apart to reveal the white fleshy fruit.

And yes, you really must be careful with the juice from the rind because it is almost impossible to get the stain off fabrics.

And do you also know that you can tell how many sections the fruit contains inside by just looking at the bottom of the rind?

Try it!

A chocoholic's dilemma

I made a tough decision to stay away from chocolates because once I get started on them, I find it very very hard to stop myself. And since I fear I now *how sad* qualify as a member of the "slow metabolism" club of which Helen is also a member, I have started to look at one of my all-time favourite comfort foods with trepidation.



And no sooner had I made that decision, a recent visitor to the house brought along a box of scrumptious DOVE chocolates from Choc' Stop. *Sigh*

I did the next best thing in such trying circumstances.

The labels said 100gm of these heavenly chocolates equals 533 kcal. I took out the weighing scale and counted 10 pieces per 100gm.

It's much easier to be rational about the whole thing, isn't it? I figured I can easily work off the 106.6 calories I gained from not denying myself the pleasures of having 2 melt-in-the-mouth delicious chocolates.

The only tough part was in picking which flavour to have.



I settled for the above, today.

A portrait of me

As visualised by my son this afternoon.

I blog to change myself

This is interesting.

On page IT15 of InTech pullout from The Star today is a feature article titled, "Why Blogs Wont Change The World."

Written by Seth Finkelstein, the opening line of the article says, "The use of censorware by repressive governments is now becoming a legitimate policy matter."

Some other interesting sound-bites:-

"... the very rare person who achieves substantial influence via a blog is often widely touted as a success story." (Jeff and RPK could be good examples in the Malaysian context.)

"But the complementary outcome is not widely publicised - that is, all the people who are blogging their hearts out and never being heard beyond a tiny fan audience." (Sadly, that's probably you and me here.)

"Talking mainly among a small self-selected group can also lead to a very misleading impression of the reach of one's ideas." (N.A.B. or All-Blogs?)

"... when looking into a hall of mirrors, it's very easy to mistake all those reflections for a crowd of supporters." (Again, YOU-know-who.)

"The result can be a very large amount of wasted energy, with the only gainers being blog evangelists."

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I thought it is rather delusional for a person to actually start a blog with the intention to "change the world."

I started this blog as an outlet to the many thoughts and arguments that swirled in my head each time I read something that provoked me.

And there's no shortage of ideas just from reading the newspapers each morning. But even I get bored of the same arguments each day.

But more than anything else, this blog has allowed me to step out of my box the way I am rather hesitant to do in the real world. I have learned to "see" things not in the way I am so used to seeing but from many different angles. And that is pretty cool to me.

This blog is only as interesting to me as it's usefulness in contributing to my personal growth.

Am I happy "even with a select group of devotees" as opined by Mr Finkelstein?

I'm happy because the few who continue to read what I write have contributed to my sense of ego-wellbeing. Writing a blog is essentially talking to oneself and when strangers come together to make you feel heard, and in the process, offer an invisible hand of friendship in all sincerity - that's VERY satisfying to me.

But Mr Finkelstein also suggested that, "... it's also quite reasonable to be unhappy at not getting beyond that level."

Maybe to those who set out to blog into fame and fortune, I guess.

I blog to change myself. And I'm happy that there is a small group of people out there who is sharing this personal journey with me.

It's not easy to muster the enthusiasm to continue blogging to a small audience.

And it's also no mean feat for the same people to continue dropping by and support my efforts.

So, hey, THANK YOU!!!

I want to travel the world

Did I ever mention to you that I have a passion for travelling? Near or far, it doesn't matter. Below is a weekend post of some of the places I have been to recently.

The ruins of Angkor Wat in Siem Reap, Cambodia

The guardians of Angkor Thom in Siem Reap, Cambodia

The old palace of Ubud in Bali

The majestic volcano in Kintamani, Bali

A traditional long house in the Sarawak Cultural Village, in Kuching, Sarawak

The trams along the narrow streets of Hong Kong

Bustling crowd doing their weekend shopping in Hong Kong

The ever-changing skyline of Macau

Saying "hi" to all you folks from the Guia Fortress in Macau!

*Note: This is not a paid post. Just a musing about what I would love to do on a regular basis if the funds are there.

Feeling the pain and sadness

A cyber friend's dad passed away and his poignant blog entry tugged at my heartstrings.

It is a common thread among my generation (& those before me, I guess) that we rarely, if indeed ever, expressed our love verbally to our parents. Perhaps it is the way we were brought up.

Although I had no problem hugging my dad whenever I wanted to let him know I loved him, or held his hands to comfort him, or rest my head on his shoulders whenever I wanted to feel "manja", I somehow never said the word "I love you" to him.

I felt it would embarrass him, and knowing him so well, it really would. He gave me the impression that there's no need for such mushiness. Actions always speak louder than words.

And how true.

I never doubted my dad's immense love and affection for me. And I knew deep in my heart that he knew I loved him just as fiercely. And the rest of the family knew that much too. Which was why they were so worried for me when dad passed away unexpectedly one Monday morning.

I have learned to accept that we will never be satisfied with the amount of time God allowed us to spend with our loved ones. It is always never enough. There will always be many words left unsaid and many feelings left unexpressed. That is life.

I did what I had to do in the end. I kissed my dad the first and last time while his body was still warm and I whispered into his ear that I loved him. And somehow, I felt that he understood.

That was many years ago. But the memory is as fresh as yesterday.

Love can be painful when we refuse to let go. But sometimes, we want the pain to go on because we have unresolved regrets. Sometimes, maybe it's just plain refusal to grow up.

Well, that's just me speaking for myself.

I hope my friend finds a better way to deal with his pain and sadness. I wish him well.

One proud egg in the basket

J managed to collect one red egg in her basket during this morning's Easter Egghunt Contest. Not bad for a novice.

And I had a good laugh at the sight of her little brother running around like a lost little chicken, basket in hand, looking everywhere for an egg BUT in the bushes and shrubs!

He has not idea at all that the eggs are supposed to be hidden and he had to look close, between and behind every nook and corner for them. Instead, he looked left and right at the other kids, running AFTER them as if it'll lead him to the treasure, looking totally bewildered.

What a funny sight for his mum and dad. And what fun when he finally spotted one behind a rock. It was all that he needed to feel like he has finally triumphed!

Well, I am very proud of my kids when at the end of the allotted time, they came back carrying that one egg each in their basket. They wore a huge smile on their sweaty faces and although they knew very well that they were not going to win anything, they were happy to have taken part in the game.

And the reason why I am so proud is because they found the eggs all by themselves - unlike some "kiasu" moms who shamelessly lurked behind their kids and slipped in their finds into their kids' baskets.

The girl who got the most eggs in her basket is clearly a case in point. Half of the 8 eggs in her basket definitely came from her mom because I saw her slipping them in, and I'm sure many others did too. She looks to be about 11 years old and certainly could do the job well on her own. Maybe her mom is taking the game a bit too seriously (and competitively!).

But I guess in the spirit of Easter, nobody wanted to spoil the fun and when the girl was eventually announced the winner of the contest, nobody said anything negative. Besides, this sort of scenario isn't exactly unfamiliar to parents who have taken part in countless contests involving moms and kids. Personally, I'm kind of used to it.

And my kids are also used to it because I always make it a point to tell them not to mind too much because different people have different value systems. I take the opportunity to teach them to play by the rules out of respect for other people and themselves and most of all to have fun. Sometimes, winning is fun and losing isn't but they learn that they cannot win all the time. And that should not spoil the fun they had when playing the game, right? Of course, sometimes, the kids may not agree with me.

But today, they really did have great fun. They left the place with big smiles on their faces, a couple of eggs in hand and a balloon from Willy the Clown.

And they chatter excitingly about it in the car all the way home.

Happy Easter!

A weird (but safe) topic

Ah -- Mave tagged me because he must think I have weird stuff hidden under my cloak of anonymity. Truth is ... he is not all wrong, heheh ;P

Do I have 6 weird things about me which I want to share with all of you? I have a hard time coming up with 6. I mean, how do I whittle down more than 50 weird stuff about me down to JUST 6?? That's SOOOOO not fair!!

In a way, we are all weird (to others), aren't we? So, before I start on myself, I'd like to comment on one of Mave's weirdness here because I think I'm entitled to do this considering he made me do this.

Mave says he likes to sleep on the plane, giving all the delicious airline food a miss in favour of his beauty sleep. THAT'S WEIRD!!

How can one continue to sleep in bliss with all those smells of chicken, beef or fish wafting through your nose and the slurping and sipping going on left, right, front & back of you? I tried many times to sleep through mealtimes on a night flight but I have yet to discover the secret on how to turn off my nose. Maybe Mave can give me a few tips. Heck, I WANT THOSE TIPS! I'll have him to thank for an eyebagless face on arrival if I nail this one.

Now, about my own weirdness, I'll let you be the judge. Do you think it is weird to buy a favourite T-shirt in 5 different colours? Or 3 pairs of the same shoes and pants in different colours? If this qualifies, than it becomes my #1 item for weirdness. Yeah, I do that, quite often. In fact, I just bought a very comfortable pair of slacks in black and went back to the shop for 2 more pairs in brown and beige last week. Thank GOD men don't come in the same mould but different colours, or else, my husband will be in trouble(!).

#2, I don't watch television. Maybe once a month, or once every two months. Which is the most ideal arrangement for the little TV addicts at home. But I did get caught up in last year's run-up to the American Idol finals. That was an exception. Maybe I'll allow for another exception this year. It wasn't always this way, you know. I was a TV addict when I was in school. Somehow, watching TV is a good excuse not to do homework. Now that I don't have homework, the idiot box lost all appeal to me.

#3, I sincerely think the radio is the best medium for getting all kinds of music you like to hear for FREE. Okay, call me a cheapskate 'cos my girl J thinks I'm WEIRD whenever I give her this excuse for not indulging her taste for expensive CDs. She thinks I'm weirder still when I suggested that I'd trade the CD for a book of her choice for the same price.

#4 on my weirdo list is that I read anything and everything, including food labels. If I'm not driving, sleeping, talking or indulging in social activities which preclude reading, I am probably holding a newspaper or book in hand, or reading on-line. But the weird thing is, I'm not very good at retaining information. My memory bank is highly selective and sometimes, it fails me at the most inappropriate times. Which makes people think I am weird because I cannot remember their names or faces even though they DO look so familiar and I'm reduced to giving them a blank grin to hide my embarassment.

For someone who doesn't watch TV at home, I go to the movies quite often. Does that count for weirdness #5? I LOVE going to the movies, from watching the action on big screen right down to the hotdogs and popcorn, the comfy seats, -- yeah, the whole experience of immersing oneself in a make-believe world in a darkened theatre, sharing the spills and thrills with a hundred other strangers.

And weirder still, if I like it enough, I even watch it repeatedly like what I did for the LOTR series. And bought the DVD box-set as well. Of course, I had read the book way before the movie was made. Yeah, sometimes, I do buy the book AFTER I've watched the movie, like I did for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. But that's another story.

I'm coming to the last one. Aren't you glad? Because I too am getting tired of talking about myself.

Yeah, I'm one of the few weird ones who doesn't like to talk about myself. Unless I'm drunk*.

You guessed it right about this post. I've had a few drinks* before I started on this, just so I can get it over and done with, considering how busy I have been over the past few days. In fact, I should say how lousy it has been over the past few days. Thankfully, Mave tagged me to do this nonsensical post. Writing about such weird stuff somehow relaxed me and I'm now all ready for a good weekend. Plus I've updated this blog talking about something which is non-offensive to others thus not likely to invite trouble of the litigious kind. How weird ...

Well, I hope all of you have a good weekend too! Cheers :D

*To be taken shaken not stirred, with a pinch of salt.

Oh dear!

My very dear friends and readers, (I'm privately amused by this line: dear, dear blog friends I have a few, but readers ?? tsk!)

I'm sorry for the lack of updates.

Something unexpected cropped up and it has disrupted my routine. It's nothing tragic, so no worries there. However, writing/blogging takes time and unfortunately, I'm just too tied up at the moment to do so.

Meanwhile, I'm also sad to hear that my good friend Dr Yeoh aka Maverick intends to take a long break from blogging due to various commitments. What a damper to my mood ... :(

I shall be back later, if you care to wait.

Oh well - I'm off now to make some lemonades. Bye!

Remembering Dad

This post is dedicated to my beloved dad who passed away in 1996.

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In Chinese literature, the Tang period (618-907) is considered the golden age of Chinese poetry

Tang Shi San Bai Shou [300 Tang Poems] is a compilation of poems from this period made around 1763 by Heng-tang-tui-shi [Sun Zhu] of the Qing dynasty.

Sun's motivation for compiling the collection sprang from his dissatisfaction with the then popular textbook, the Qian Jia Shi [Poems by A Thousand Poets], an earlier collection from the Tang and Sung (960-1279) periods .

Sun made his own selection of Tang poems based on their popularity and effectiveness in cultivating character. Because it represented equally well each of the classical poetic forms and because it represented the best works by the most prominent Tang poets, Sun's collection became a "best seller" soon after its publication. It has been used for centuries since to teach elementary students to read and write, and also in cultivating character.

Sun's collection is still a classic today, its popularity undiminished. Nearly every Chinese household owns a copy of Tang Shi and poems from it are still included in textbooks and to be memorized by students.

We would like to make this World Wide Web version of the poems as a testimony to its compiler's intent :

" Learning Tang poems three hundred by heart, you can chant poems though you know not the art ."

Source: http://etext.virginia.edu/chinese/frame.htm

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006
五言古詩
李白

月下獨酌

花間一壺酒， 獨酌無相親；
舉杯邀明月， 對影成三人。
月既不解飲， 影徒隨我身；
暫伴月將影， 行樂須及春。
我歌月徘徊， 我舞影零亂；
醒時同交歡， 醉後各分散。
永結無情遊， 相期邈雲漢。

Five-character-ancient-verse
Li Bai

DRINKING ALONE WITH THE MOON

From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
Alas, the moon was unable to drink
And my shadow tagged me vacantly;
But still for a while I had these friends
To cheer me through the end of spring ...
I sang. The moon encouraged me.
I danced. My shadow tumbled after.
As long as I knew, we were boon companions.
And then I was drunk, and we lost one another.
... Shall goodwill ever be secure?
I watch the long road of the River of Stars.

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Acknowledgment: The Chinese version of this Tang Shi is edited by UVa based on Mr. Wei-chang Shan's electronic version. English translations are primarily from Witter Bynner's Jade Mountain: A Chinese Anthology, New York : Alfred A. Knopf, 1929.

Happy Merdeka 49 - Happy 1st Anniversary to me!

One year later, here I am talking about the upcoming "Hari Kemerdekaan ke-49" celebrations on 31 August 2006.

Oh, before I go on, happy 1st anniversary to myself on anakmerdeka.blogspot.com!

I finally made it - crossed the first year hurdle despite some apprehension and doubt about whether I want to continue putting in time and effort to maintain this self-serving rant-filled platform. Looks like I still got some steam to let off before I call it a day. :-)

Coming back to this topic, I am rather ambivalent about my feelings towards this 49th Merdeka. I guess I'm feeling this way because I don't see the country moving forward in any meaningful way in terms of how we are progressing as a multi-racial, multi-religious and multi-cultural society.

The past year has seen an attempt to disengage noble efforts to create the space for meaningful dialogue and understanding between muslims and non-muslims in a non-confrontational manner in this blessed country.

Looks like we are still unable to break down barriers formed by a stubborn section of our society bent on maintaining certain status quo. I can only presume that the fear to engage stems from the misguided notion that it would invariably erode their current status of having the "upper hand" in playing the religious card whenever the need arises during times of political upheaval.

Sisters in Islam wrote a succinct letter published in The SUN on 16 August 2006 (@ p18):-

Don't suppress dialogue

"SISTERS in Islam regrets that the organisers of the 5th International Malaysian Studies Conference held at UPM recently felt pressured to cancel the panel on Religion, Interfaith and National Unity.

We share Prof. Datuk Abdul Rahman Embong, President of the Malaysian Social Science Association (PSSM)'s valid concern that certain developments of late are taking a toll on academic freedom, and have grave implications on the free flow of ideas and academic discourses.

This emerging trend in suppressing the right to openly discuss matters concerning the public is disheartening, especially as it is being imposed on those who are merely peacefully practising their constitutional rights - freedom of speech, assembly and association (Article 10) and freedom of religion (Article 11). This is in contrast to the continued, unfettered dissemination of wrongful information and malicious rumours, as well as the formation of groups by those who intend to silence such open discussions."

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There's not much anyone can do about this without serious political will from those who wield the power to look beyond the selfish motives of a few who are too short-sighted to see further into the future for the common good of all.

These people fail to realise the need to discard certain mentalities in order to survive in an increasingly modern and technologically-advanced world that simply would not respect narrow-minded agendas.

I have a thought: is it conceivable that in the year 2020, Malaysia can still practise open discrimination in the form of race-based quotas and privileges without being seen as political and social pariahs in the eyes of the world community? That's another mere 14 years to go, during which time, we will probably see advances in science & technology making giant leaps forward, while we are still stuck in some black & white cinematic mode.

I'm going to forget about how I feel on this day because someone might just accuse me of harping on eternally unpatriotic feelings whenever the subject of unity in the context of Bangsa Malaysia crops up.

Regardless of what the Information Minister says, I'd like to believe that it is precisely my love for this country and my patriotism that inspired me to start this blog and drives me to continue writing even though I sometimes get a bit sick and tired of local goings-on. The time spent doing this is more meaningful to me as a Malaysian than mere waving of the Jalur Gemilang once a year.

And before I forget, thanks to KJ for the timely Merdeka reminder - racism is thriving under the Youth banner. I can expect to continue with my forced patriotic duty as the bogeyman for the survival of UMNO. *sigh*

There I go again.

Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan ke-49 to all my fellow Malaysian brothers and sisters, and especially to all my blog friends. I wish you peace and happiness until we celebrate our 50th milestone next year.

And err ... I'll wave the flag here and hope Zam appreciates it!

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An afterthought:

In line with a brand new season and in celebrating the spirit of this year's Merdeka, I think I want to cut down on my frussing and fussing. So, Howsy my senseintroverted friend, it's semua OK! now. Even if people continue to cakap tak serupa bikin. Even with the DDC. Especially with the DDC, it's OK to just close-one-eye to THAT one! (*runs to da korner... with Helen*)

Cheers everybody!

Not a hiatus

Missed me?

I certainly hope so, yes ... this blogger live for admirers like you!!! So, say you miss me lar or I'll die of heartbreak! :)

That short trip must have done wonders to my weary soul. I just got back and have lots to talk about but I have not the time to do so yet. Let me get a few things out of the way so that I can concentrate on giving you my FULLEST attention, okay??

And oh, I just GOT to clarify that my photo-op on Rembau in the previous post was not a tribute to that greasy-haired guy.

Sheessh ... he's just joined his boss, the keris-wielding Pak Misai in the UMNO gallery of the shameless & gutless. I have absolutely no respect for people who ride roughshod over the feelings of the non-Malays in their bid to show some political clout. And believe me, I'm not the only non-Malay feeling p***ed off by this budak hingus. Go check out Mave for stronger viewpoints. (p.s. this short rant is dedicated to you, Mave. Every once in a while, I gotta please some people who enjoy seeing Amoi in red. LOL!)

Okey dokey.

I said I don't have the time but I just lost a bit of self-discipline here. Thanks to all my kawan who dropped a line while I was away. It's nice not having to come home to an empty house.

Carry on with your background conversation here in the comment section. Hey - make my day lar!!

A hiatus

For some reason, I have not been in the mood to update my blog.

I don't know how long this feeling will last. In a way it is funny. I started my first post in the beginning of September 2005 and I have less than 2 months to my first anniversary!

Am I surprised? Yes and no.

I hope I will find something interesting to tell you when I come back. Thanks for the kind words, my friends! Believe me, you put a smile on my face when you drop by.

See you later!